How to Break Free from Negative Thoughts

It’s been a little while since we last connected, but let’s pick up where we left off.

Last time, we talked about those everyday moments when we’re faced with a decision—like how to respond to a hurtful comment someone made, whether to keep scrolling on our phones instead of engaging with our kids, or how to react when we’re overwhelmed at work. In ACT, we call these moments Choice Points.

Once we’ve clarified our values—who we want to be and what really matters to us—we can start noticing that every Choice Point offers two options:

• A Toward Move, which brings us closer to the life we want

• Or an Away Move, which pulls us further from it.

  
  

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not quite.

What often makes these moments so difficult is that we get hooked—caught up in painful thoughts, feelings, or memories that cloud our judgment and push us toward automatic reactions. That’s when we tend to make Away Moves, even when we know what matters most to us.

So today, we’re going to explore how to unhook—how to notice those difficult inner experiences without letting them run the show. That way, you can make more space for wise, values-based choices… even when your mind is telling you otherwise.

Let’s get into it.

So how do we unhook from thoughts that lead to Away Moves?

The ACT term for this skill is cognitive defusion—which simply means creating space between you and your thoughts.Instead of being fused with a thought (believing it, acting on it, letting it drive the bus), defusion helps you step back and see the thought for what it is: just a string of words, not a fact or a command.

Here are a few simple ways to practice cognitive defusion:

1. “I’m noticing the thought that…” 

When a thought shows up—like “I’m going to mess this up”—try rephrasing it:

“I’m noticing the thought that I’m going to mess this up.” This small shift tells your brain: This is just a thought. It’s not me. It’s not a fact. It helps you observe the thought instead of getting swept up in it.

2. Name the Story 

Some thoughts show up again and again, often for years:

“I’m a terrible mother.” “No one likes me.” “I’ll never be enough.” When one of those old, familiar thoughts pops up, call it by name: “Ah, there’s the I’m a bad mom story again.” “Yup, hello again, anxiety story.” You don’t have to get rid of it. You just don’t have to obey it.

3. Step into the Noticing Self

Instead of being inside the thought, try observing it—like a cloud passing in the sky or words scrolling across a screen.

“That’s interesting… look at what my mind is saying right now.” Get curious. Watch the thought show up, shift, fade. You’re not the thought. You’re the one noticing it.

4. And here’s a fun one: Play with the Thought 

When your mind throws out something harsh or dramatic, try making it silly.

• Sing it to the tune of Happy Birthday

• Say it in a cartoon or robot voice

• Repeat it slowly, backwards, or in a made-up accent This isn’t about mocking yourself—it’s about loosening the thought’s grip and reminding yourself: This is just noise from my mind. I get to choose how I act.

  
  

These strategies don’t make the thoughts disappear—but they do help you stop letting them run the show. You don’t need to wait for the perfect moment to try this. See if you can notice a Choice Point today—maybe even in the next hour. When a difficult thought shows up, practice one of these cognitive defusion skills and see what shifts. When you unhook from unhelpful thoughts, you take back the reins—and step into the kind of life you actually want to live.