Living with uncertainty can be extremely distressing. Whether it is waiting for something as significant as medical results or as mundane an exam score, oftentimes, when individuals need to wait to gain clarity in a given situation, they can feel very overwhelmed and stressed. When faced with uncertainty, typically, people want to understand and resolve the situation at hand to ultimately feel better quickly.
I served as a research assistant at an autism center in Mount Sinai, where I was able to observe autism diagnostic assessments and the subsequent feedback sessions with parents. Whenever clinicians would explain to parents that their child met diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I noticed that the parents diverged greatly in their reactions. Some parents were very upset, confused, and overwhelmed for their child. I grew to understand that this reaction stemmed from a place of not knowing how their child would be looked at, treated, and perceived by others. The lack of clarity about what their child’s life would be like was obviously troubling for these parents to contend with and think about.
On the other hand, receiving an autism diagnosis caused some parents to feel incredibly happy and excited that they finally were able to give a name to their child’s challenges. Having a course to expect and knowing that their child’s differences have been researched, provided parents with a sense of calm and relief.
What struck me the most about these two reactions from these parents, were just how different, and often extreme, they were when nothing tangibly changed for their child. The children of the devastated parents did not obtain any new autism symptoms after receiving a diagnosis and the children of the elated parents did not receive an instant cure for all of their challenges. All that practically changed was the level of clarity of the situation.
While coping with uncertainty is difficult, it is very important to accept not knowing. At the end of the day, nothing in life is certain. Life is so fragile and everything truly is in Hashem’s hands. One way Jewish people are able to cope with uncertainty is through believing that Hashem runs the world.
There is a classic Mashal that compares the world to the back of a beautiful tapestry. If you look at the back of a tapestry, you’ll see long and jagged threads that look chaotic and messy. Yet, if you turn the tapestry over, you will see a clear picture created on the other side. Hashem always has a plan and created the world with intention. While we might not have clarity as to why something is the way it is, learning how to cope and carry on with uncertainty is essential for life. May we all recognize that even when things feel confusing and uncertain, Hashem has a plan.